how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
