Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
