we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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