Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
