I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
