trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
