Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
That's when you crack a 10am beer
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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