just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
