if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
