why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
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