if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
