I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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