I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
