Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
This girl is more easily done than said...
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
