Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize