Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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