in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Randomize
