You work out of a Hotel?
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
ttyl tear gas
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
