My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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