So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
