There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
