I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize