I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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