Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
