think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
