It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
