So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
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