2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
