Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
