I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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