how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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