I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize
