got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
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