forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
