i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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