You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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