she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
