I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize