We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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