No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
