i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
