the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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