my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
