I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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