so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
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