if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Randomize
