It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
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