My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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