help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
