you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
