why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
So vagazzling was a success
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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