this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize