Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
