You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
