Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
You dont lie about slip and slides
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
