I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
