Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Randomize
