So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
