He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
