You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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