We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
