I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Randomize
