4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize
