remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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