Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
