You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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