your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
