lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
