all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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