i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
This baby is an asshole
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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