Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Randomize