Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
