If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
