No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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