I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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