My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
she looked like the before picture.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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