What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
being pregnant is like rehab
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
