How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Two words: nipple clamps
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