Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
