oh god the rape fog is back!
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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