CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
