I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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