Screwed.edu
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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