she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
