Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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