bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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