This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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