Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
