she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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