4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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